Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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