I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize