what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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