I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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