I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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