It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
