I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
