When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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