dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
