I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
