I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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