I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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