my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
