I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
