I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
