It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
