if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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