So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
