your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
wanna go halves on a baby?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
