Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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