My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize