I wish I only lived at night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
