I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
