I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
