Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
