Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
