so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
