It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize