3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
