My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize