didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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