I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
