Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Someone came in the potted fern
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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