Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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