His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
