you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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