I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
