HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
