I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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