I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
