Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
