guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
