i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
