Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
