your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's always time for handjobs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
