your parents love me but you hate me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
