I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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