i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
