No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
