If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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