This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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