I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
