I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
