Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
