I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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