if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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