I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
