3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
