That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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