The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
