All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
