How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
