Even the bartender felt bad for me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
