Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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