He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize