dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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