What a fucking waste of an outfit
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
